*Sigh* Why did I have to figure out a patch for a nasty plot hole that requires tons and tons of rewrites?
It’s hard to force myself to get to work on it. First I have to find the offending passages, then fix them … and right now it seems to require reading closely through every word following the initial mention of the mistake. Every. Single. Word. Not that I mind reading my own writing (if I didn’t like to read it, I shouldn’t be writing it), but I hadn’t planned for this much repair work.
Then I’m drawn back to real life, and I remember I have some studying to do for training at work. A new position that terrifies me, one that promises to be quite stressful. Will I be able to do it? Actually, it’s not the doing that concerns me; it’s the emotional aspect of the position. How does a technical position have an emotional risk, you might ask. Well, the surgeon is–how do I put it–“particular” about the way things are done. And he is not known for his patience with people who are learning. Oh, and it’s been two months since I last had a training session. Then there’s das boot. Will it get in the way? I don’t know, but it concerns me. I’m either going to be at risk for falling off the damn stool when I go to sit down or my clunky-ass boot’s going to be in the way, bumping into stuff because I can’t tell when I’m getting too close to things.
I keep trying to convince myself that I’m getting paranoid for nothing, that the surgeon has been more understanding lately than in previous years. I also try to tell myself that I can do this, that it’s a repetitive, OCD-esque job that fits well with my personality. I just have that tendency to get overly sensitive when faced with criticism.
We’ll see. I guess if I manage to make it through training it will help steel me for the inevitable rejections from agents and publishers once I finish the seemingly endless edits/rewrites and finally start submitting. (See how I tied that together? Thought I was just rambling didn’t you?)
*Sigh* Can I go back to being a peon that isn’t expected to be reliable and flexible to learning new things?