Rollin’ with my homies

Now that my husband and I have re-entered the world of Having a Social Life (nerd version), we’ve gotten back into RPGs–roleplaying games–and it’s taking some reorienting on my part.

I used to be able to create a caster character practically with my eyes shut and my hands tied behind my back. Need a blaster caster? Yep, I’m your gal. Healer? Yeah, I can do that. Buffer/debuffer? No sweat. Now? Now I’m making stupid mistakes in my character creation that are more than a little embarrassing, at least for a geek. Miscalculating stats, forgetting to buy certain special items that are practically necessary, forgetting major bonuses…yeah, I’m out of shape in that category. Last night’s game wasn’t a total loss, though; I blew the majority of the bad guys away in one fight, so at least I remembered how to utilize the spells I chose.

There are other social activities that we’ve been engaging in with our friends, and it’s weird to be back in that kind of mindset. Even my husband, who works from home and thus is virtually dying to get out of the apartment when he’s off work, has complained a bit about being worn out from all the go-go-go-go-go that we’ve been doing. Mondays are one thing (well, three for him really, two or three for me depending on when work ends), every other Tuesday something else, Wednesday and Thursday evenings have something on the schedule, and Fridays, Saturdays, and even Sundays each have at least one social activity with friends planned out on a regular basis. To go from zero to chock-full in a very short amount of time like this can be pretty exhausting, as we’re discovering now.

It’s cool to have friends to hang out with again, though, and I’d rather be exhausted from having too much of a life outside of work than exhausted from having no life outside of work. So I guess I’m not really complaining…more like stating the obvious.

Our friends are pretty cool, too. They have a lot of the same interests that we do, they’re encouraging, and they’re all-around nice guys. I’ve already learned a bunch from them and I can tell they’re going to provide a wealth of information in the years to come. And who knows? Maybe I can impart a little of my limited wisdom on them as well.

That’s how Having a Social Life works: You hang out, you have fun, and you just roll with it.

Can’t beat the heat

It’s mid-June. In Arizona. I’m about to head on a road trip in a sweltering car for three hours to a town that’s about ten to twenty degrees higher than our little mountain town.

WTF is my problem???

Guess I’m just a masochist or something. The conference/event/thing I’m going to is semi-mandatory for me (& not for pay), but I think it’ll be fun despite the weather. Meeting new people, learning new things, all that jazz. Plus I’ll have friends there, and my husband, so I won’t be all by myself. So that’s cool.

We’ll see how far I can take this peopling thing. I’ve been more socially active the past few months that in, like, the past decade. Not sure that’s really much of an exaggeration, either. Quite possibly literally a decade. And ​for a socially-awkward introvert, it should be interesting to see how I adapt. So far so good.
Right now we have friends in the car with us. I’m about to post this and then get social.

And melt… because the car temp gauge thing says 100 degrees.

HIITing it out of the park

Yesterday was my first day doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) at the local park with my friends, and it was great. It was exhausting and tough, but it was great. I’m hoping I can make at least two out of the three days a week that we all plan on doing, but with work it’s hard to tell what days I’ll be able to make it. The five o’clock meet time isn’t always feasible when patients sometimes don’t end until 5:15 or 5:30. Still, even an extra day or two of exercise should help me get more fit than I currently am…considering my baseline is no days of exercise lol

It’s good having good friends to hang out with again. After a long dry spell of being friendzoned by once-close friends (or having friends move away), it feels nice to have people who want to spend time with me and my husband on a regular basis. Dinner, movies, gaming, etc…it’s taking some getting used to, especially after such a long time of having nothing really going on during the week or even on weekends. It’s cool, though. Those dry spells of inactivity make me appreciate my friends even more. Like, really appreciate them. They’re huggy, affectionate people who seem to “get” me even on my off days. They understand if I’m a little down, or if I’m sore from the RA, or if I’m exhausted from a long work day/week.

Always appreciate your friends, people. They’re precious and rare and worth every second.

Picture day

It’s funny how, well, funny people are about having their picture taken. Some people will take selfies ten times a day, but have someone else pull out a camera or phone and they’re suddenly shy or self conscious. Some people, like me, feel awkward and ugly without makeup, and some obsess over their hair or outfit.

I’m all of the above.

Imagine my horror and chagrin at the outcome of some of my photo ops from last weekend’s Phoenix Comicon. Granted, in one photo I managed to remember to tilt my head up so I didn’t have 5+ chins in the photo, but for the other two I had the worst case of derpface I’ve ever seen. Head tilted down, chins aplenty, and some kind of weird psycho grin that would terrify small children.
Why are we so weird about how we look in photos? I mean, I don’t spend any time during the day worrying about whether or not I have more than one chin showing or if my smile looks goofy, so why do I care if a photo looks weird?

Maybe it’s because photos are a kind of immortality, especially in this day of Internet sharing and such. A derpface that you don’t see or are allowed to forget is a derpface that never happened. A derpface that’s hanging on the wall with you standing next to one of your favorite celebrities? Yeah. Those are painful. Brutal even.

I’m trying to get better about it, trying to remind myself that if it doesn’t matter in everyday then it shouldn’t matter in photos. Why should I care if it’s how I look all the time? I should accept who I am get over it, right? Yeah, not so easy. Even with makeup and a gorgeous wig and an outfit that blew the actor’s mind, all I see is the derpface with the extra chins.

I’ve got to get over that, and everyone else needs to as well. The face you put out there is your face, your identity… It’s who you are. Makeup is fake, poses are fake, push-up bras are fake, corsets are fake–you get the point. Again, I’m guilty of all of the above, but at least it’s not on a daily basis. I try to make the makeup a minimal thing, and only when I am either going to a special event/evening out or if I’m “in the mood to look pretty.”

Today was a photo day at work.

I decided I was in the mood to look pretty for it.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

Beyond weary

Less than two weeks until Phoenix Comicon. Less than two weeks to finish the coat for my husband (which I started sewing this morning–progress!), and less than two weeks to clean up the craft room for our company that will be in town.

I’m more and more confident that I can finish the coat in time, but the stress of having to hurry to finish it, combined with the usual stress of work, is starting to wear on me. I didn’t even want to eat dinner when I got home from a twelve hour shift yesterday; if my husband hadn’t been there to make me eat, I would have gone straight to bed at 5:45 and probably slept clean through til morning.

As it is, with my Adderall and an energy drink I’m still struggling to keep my eyes open. I have to catch my ride to work in about 15 minutes, and I still can’t really wake up.

Aaaand as I typed that I remembered that I never put my Adderall in with my other morning pills when I was getting them ready for the week. FML.

Hopefully it kicks in before patients start showing up.

Geez-o-Pete.

All things must come to an end

All things must come to an end

Nearly fifteen years ago I bought the first–and only–pet that was my very own. I fell in love with a kitten up for adoption from a shelter, and before I even signed the papers I had named her Annabelle.

I kinda didn’t tell my dad I was getting her until I got her home.

Annabelle was my only constant for the next nine years, even my sole companion during the month I spent living by myself in an extended-stay motel during my transition to Arizona. She was my baby.

When I moved in with my then-boyfriend, I had to leave her at my parents’ house due to roommate issues (the issue being that it was the roommate’s house and he didn’t want another cat living there). When we moved into our first apartment shortly before getting married, we couldn’t afford rent for two cats, so Annabelle stayed at Mom and Dad’s. When our cat Luna died, we weren’t ready for another cat yet–and by that time, Annabelle was getting on in years & had settled into life at my parents’ house…without me. She ran from me when I came over to visit more often than not, and the few times she did come out of hiding it was to beg for food or treats. I had become a stranger.

We got Rory about six months after Luna died, and since Annabelle was comfortable where she was, we decided against uprooting her and bringing her into a new environment with a new, rambunctious kitten.

A few months ago, Annabelle started losing some weight.

She started losing a lot of weight.

Now, with her only eating with the aid of an appetite stimulant and throwing up what little she does eat, I have a decision to make. She may not really be “my” cat anymore (at least not in her eyes), but she’s still, well, my cat.

My sister’s cat, Chelsea, had a long death. She was put to sleep eventually, but she got emaciated to the point of having to be force-fed and had necrotic sores on her. She looked like something out of Pet Sematary. Literally. It was scary. I don’t want that for Annabelle. I don’t want to “kill” her, but I don’t want her to suffer. She’s old. She’s lived a good life…and nearly half that life has been without me. So what am I to do?

I thought hard about it. I didn’t want to make the decision too hastily, but I also didn’t want to drag out her life if she was suffering in any way. The image of the last time I saw my sister’s cat was enough. I’m not going to let Annabelle turn into that.

So either today or Monday (depending on when the vet can get her in), I am prepared to make one of the toughest decisions of my life. I’m going to say good-bye to my baby and let her go peacefully. It’s the least I can do for the kitten that used to chase her tail on my neck, that hid under the blankets during the road trip to Arizona, that would sit on my lap & purr while I played World of Warcraft before work.

What was going to be a nice, relaxing weekend of cosplay work will now be a weekend of mourning and trying to focus on what now seems insignificant.

Here’s to you, Annabelle. You were and are an awesome cat.

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Societally awkward

Here I am, at my second SCA event, and I find myself doing the same thing I do at any social gathering I go to:

A: Latching onto a person or persons who I know and following them around like a little lost puppy, or…

B: Sitting way off to the side on my own, using my phone as an excuse to avoid social interaction.

It’s not that I don’t want to join in and meet people… It’s just that the majority of the people here know each other at least somewhat, and I know all of like five people. And I am feeling kind on the brittle side emotionally, meaning anything could set me off crying or something. Like trying to introduce myself to strangers. Or having friends feeling​ sorry for me and trying​to introduce me to strangers in a well-meaning attempt to get me feeling more comfortable.

The weird thing is, I was super excited for today’s event. I plan on participating in some games, and I’m excited to show off the tunics I made. Buuuut….. there’s people. Not a huge amount of people, but enough that I can be noticed in the crowd and enough to make me feel uncomfortable.

But now that Court is over, the fun shall soon begin… Let’s see how I do!