No rest for the weary

I swear I’m going to lose my ever-loving mind…

After a night with only two hours of sleep, I was going to type up a post that was 95% bitching about the insomnia. I actually did type it up, but I deleted it all. Because fuck the insomnia. I’m not going to let it win. I’m going to drink my coffee, take my shower, and get ready for the busy work day ahead. I’m going to do my job until it’s time for me to go home and then work out, eat dinner, and hopefully crash into a peaceful night’s sleep.

And if I don’t? Well then, it’s just going to be another long night.

Blissfully comatose

Ah, the glory of generic-nite-time-cough-and-cold medicine. Too bad it doesn’t last the whole “nite time.”

I just had the best sleep I’ve had in over a week…pretty much since the sinus infection started. It. Was. Wonderful. I woke up thinking I had slept the whole night through; it took me a bit to realize that it was still in fact Friday night.

Now? Now I’m wide awake with another hour and change before I can take more.

I’m debating on taking the cough syrup with codeine that I have from the doctor, but it hasn’t been as effective as the plain ol’ generic store stuff. I guess the generic-nite-time-cough-and-cold-medicine is … is … wait. What was I saying? Hmm … maybe the generic store stuff is still in effect.

When it’s time for more, I’m definitely taking another swig. I miss that good sleep that i used to get.

Back to the grind

How can three little days seem so long? I was only off three days, but I’m already dreading going back to work today.

I don’t know why. Work is work, and it generally is either so busy I don’t notice the time passing or calm enough to wonder when the busy is going to hit again. One work day is rarely much different from another, regardless of which department or position I’m in on any particular day. There are days when the schedule is nuts but the workload seems fine, and there are days when the schedule has a lot of openings and we’re barely keeping up.

Sleep was not kind to me last night, so perhaps that’s the reason for my Tuesday morning dread. I can feel how dried out my eyes are and they’re a little red, but whatever. Gotta keep moving, keep the momentum going. If I could just get that momentum started…

Oh yeah, and my back is aching a bit already. So there’s that.

*Sigh* I guess I need to get over myself and just go in and do my job. It’s what pays the bills, after all.

New year, same ol’ routine

Cats, apparently, do not understand the concept of a new year. That, or Rory has resolved to be as annoying as ever in the wee hours of the morning.

On the plus side, in between naps (which Rory keeps interrupting), I’ve been able to start revisions on Book 1. It’s slow going–I need more objective feedback, but I can’t keep waiting forever on my alpha reader–but at least it’s something.

No new sewing this morning, partly because I have been so sleepy and partly because my husband wants to take down the Christmas decorations and clean up the living room today, so no sense starting a project like sewing when I’m going to have to do that. Revisions, yeah, I can hit “save” and come back to it later. Sewing? I have to make sure I’m not mid-seam or something.

have to get some sewing done today, though. I can’t keep putting it off. I have two full costumes to make for my husband and myself, plus a commission costume that I’ll have to make soon. All three need to be done by the end of May…which I can do, but I don’t want to leave myself under a ton of pressure. Again. Not to mention there’s leatherworking to learn for two of them and ruffles/gathering to learn for one.

Yeah, so far the new year is just like the last. I was asleep long before midnight. I woke up around 2:15am. I dozed off a few times. And I’ve been hard at work on my next book. That about sums up 2016.

I gotta learn to amp things up. Or to stop being afraid of change.

The Devil You Know…

Decisions, decisions.

Anyone who’s familiar with this blog will know that I suffer from chronic insomnia, whether it’s my cat waking me up early in the morning or my own body that’s doing it. It’s been getting worse lately, and I have to make up my mind: Do I care if I don’t get more than a few hours sleep every night, or do I want to risk becoming dependent on a prescription sleeping pill?

It’s not a super strong sleeping pill–just something designed to help me sleep through the night, and I’ve never had trouble waking up from it the next day when I need to. However, I’m leery of becoming dependent on it. I’m already dependent on the mild muscle relaxer and anti-anxiety pills i take every night (if I run out even for a few days, I regret it); I don’t want to completely screw my chances of ever sleeping normally. On the other hand, it would be nice to “sleep in” to a reasonable time every day.

There’s still another thing to consider: I once fell asleep driving the morning after I took a stronger sleeping pill. I had been on that particular pill for a long time (months to years, I can’t remember for sure), and even though I thought my body was used to it, I was quite wrong. I had to wake up early that day for a doctor’s appointment, and I was still groggy from the pill. The bad thing is, I didn’t realize how groggy I was until I was on the road and halfway to my appointment. I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remember the thud of my bumper hitting the car in front of me jarring me awake, and I remember thinking (as my car went off the road into an empty parking lot): Why won’t the car stop?

Yeah. I was so out of it that I forgot to put my foot on the brake. Thankfully, the curb slowed me down and the lot was empty. I managed to stop the car safely (well, relatively safely considering I had just rear-ended someone) and, after promising the responding officer that I wouldn’t be driving again the rest of the day, I rescheduled my appointment and had my mom pick me up.

Now, the sleeping pill that I have available to me isn’t as strong as the pill I took years ago. I still worry, though, that even if I don’t become dependent on it to sleep I could still end up with my car’s front end in another car’s back end…or worse. I haven’t had that problem with this particular pill, mind you, but the memory is there.

Another thing that has me doubting the “need” for this med is that I fall asleep fine, usually. I actually fall asleep relatively early and easily (possibly due to the muscle relaxant and anti-anxiety meds). So in my mind, I question if I really need to take it every night. I know that I’ll more than likely fall asleep well on my own; what I can’t predict is whether I’ll get enough hours of decent sleep on any given night. The sleeping pill is prescribed “as needed”….Well, how do I know if I need it? I mean, yeah, obviously I need it lately because my body’s sleep schedule is so out of whack, but when do I know if I no longer need it, or if I can skip it for a night or three? How do I ensure that I don’t end up having to take it every single night?

Because of the hour at which I go to bed each night, I seriously doubt I’d ever get into another situation where I’m driving sleepy the next day (in the previous example, I was on an evening shift schedule and thus going to bed and getting up much later than I do now), but still…it shakes you up a bit to wake up and see your car going off the road and not knowing exactly why right away.

I suppose, after seeing this internal debate written out, I’ll start taking it tonight and see how I do. I can always stop taking it periodically to make sure I don’t go into withdrawal or something from not taking it. I just hate that I might have to take yet another pill on a regular basis for something that my body should be able to do on its own.

Lazy Sunday

It’s here again: Sunday, the day I usually fully intend to accomplish many things but end up sleeping most of the day away. Catching up on all those Rory-induced early mornings? Perhaps, or perhaps it’s because I don’t generally drink energy drinks on Sunday so I can kind of conserve them and have plenty for during the week.

My goals for today were to clean and straighten up the craft room a bit, and maybe start on my husband’s steampunk Cyclops cosplay. Sadly, even after going back to sleep several times this morning I’m just not awake enough for it. I mean, I’m sitting here backspacing over lines and lines of letters that appear when I doze off and my fingers get heavy on the keys.

Maybe some food will help. It’s kind of early for lunch, but I’m getting a tad hungry, so maybe that’s what I need to pep myself up.

Or maybe I just need this sleep. I have had several days this past week where I got next to no sleep at night; could this be my body’s way of making up for that?

Well, we’ll see if some snack or something wakes me up a bit. Got things to do.

Dragon Con: Day 1

Dragon Con: Day 1

Well, the first day of my first Dragon Con came & went without much excitement. Well, okay, I got to see an awesome Patricia Briggs panel and bought a wig to go with my next cosplay (a wig that I am now obsessed with–it’s gorgeous!), but otherwise it was a pretty standard con day. Nothing out of the ordinary or overly exciting.

I didn’t get many pictures taken, mostly because the con was so crowded that it made picture taking nigh impossible. I have one decent pic of my Temari from Naruto cosplay and one eh pic of my husband (I tried, but I kept forgetting to take a better one when he had the gourd on properly).

Today will be our Star Wars/Doctor Who mashup cosplays, which I hope are a hit. I know a lot of people at Phoenix Comicon loved my skirt, but as I said, there wasn’t much room yesterday to take photos. I don’t know if there will be many photos taken of us today. I’ll try to at least get a couple of good motel room photos (complete with lightsabers!) after we’re all dressed & ready to go.

I have my usual insomnia, which means I’m wide awake at 3am & nobody else is. I’ll probably fall back asleep after a while, but for now I’m up.

I almost want to wear my new wig today with my mashup cosplay just because I’m in love with the fire hair, but it will have to wait. It doesn’t quite match the cosplay & I don’t want to find out what kind of a hassle a wig plus a hood will become. Still, it looks badass:

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Bad. Ass. Perfect for my next cosplay project: Steampunk Dark Phoenix! More photos on that as I get the costume designed and ready. It’ll be a long way off, because it’s just for next year’s Phoenix Comicon so I have plenty of time (for once).

Well, off to find something to occupy myself until either I fall asleep or someone else wakes up!