Archive for the ‘Health’ Category

I am feeling great. Got my first Arts and Sciences project done (except for the research/documentation), work this week hasn’t been too bad… so why am I not feeling so great?

Oh yeah: mixed episode. It seems that I’ve entered one of those recently. Not quite sure when exactly, but I’m noticing that even though I think I feel fine, I’m not taking as much interest in the things I’m usually interested in. I have a research paper for A&S that I’ve been dying to jump into, but I can’t seem to make myself read more than a couple of paragraphs at a time. I was all excited to finish the physical work on the first project, but instead of feeling accomplished I feel… empty. I’m not writing, I’m not tweeting, I’m not doing much of anything that I usually do with my free time.

I think the art project was providing enough momentum to keep me going, but although I don’t feel like I’m depressed, I’m not acting like I’m not. Makes no sense? Well, it doesn’t make sense to me either.

I’m hoping that my mental state picks up soon. Well, not too up. Mid-level. Hell, just plain level would be nice.

Some day. I can’t be down all the time.


Well, I’m getting closer…the end is in sight! Except this one little problem: someone got a little scissor-happy when she was cutting the neckline for her husband’s tunic and now must figure out a way to add on fabric without making it look weird.

I’m sure I can do it, but not right now–not at 0100. Maybe in a few hours I will have the functional capacity to design, cut, stamp, and sew a new collar/neckline/whatever. As it is, I’m quite irritated with my body for waking me up an hour ago for no good reason. I’ve been sleeping pretty well the past several nights, but tonight it’s back to waking up around midnight wide awake and unable to drift back off.

The sad thing is, between the bipolar disorder (panic attacks or racing thoughts at bedtime if I don’t take my Klonopin) and the rheumatoid arthritis (back/shoulder aches if I don’t take my Flexeril) I take enough crap to knock out a rhino. Ok, maybe not¬†that much…but it’s a lot for the average Joe. I also have temazepam that I can take as needed for sleep, but I’ve found that it doesn’t help me stay asleep so much as helping me fall asleep–which I generally don’t need help with. I can fall asleep just fine most nights. It’s that tricky staying asleep thing that gets me. I’ll sleep four to five hours and then wake up all energized and crap. So not fair.

Once my husband gets up and tries on the tunic (with his gorget, so I can see how much collar I need to drum up), I can get to work on it. Right now? Now I have to find something to do to alleviate the boredom until he wakes up.

Good thing I still have a couple projects pending. On to sewing trim onto a different tunic!

I know I’ve been quiet lately, but all I can say is that I’ve been busy. Life keeps plowing forward and I have to try to keep up.

Stress is building exponentially, and good ol’ Arthur isn’t letting me forget it. I’m dealing with more arthritis pain than I think I can attribute to “just the weather,” and I truly believe this added pain is due to the spike in stress. It’s quite frustrating because I have Things to Do (yes, these Things are important enough to capitalize) and the pain interferes with my ability to do those Things.

I’ve got to just grit my teeth and bear it, though, because life, as I mentioned, is not stopping to give me a break. I keep hoping that stuff settles down in the next few weeks. That the Things get done despite the pain. That I can return to some semblance of normalcy…or at least as normal as I get ūüėČ

It’s starting to happen…gradually, but it’s happening. I am starting to get burned out from all the SCA and crafting and writing and work and life in general. I’m hoping the few days off for Estrella War will help, but only time will tell.

I’ve kinda lost interest in a lot of activities. I have to force myself to get my sewing work done. I drag myself through the work day. I avoid exercise when I have the slightest ache or pain whereas before I’d look forward to the chance to work out those aches. I don’t want to go to SCA baronial meetings or do my officer job. I just don’t wanna.

Part of it, I think, is that things have become so stale and routine. Yeah, some of the meetings and events may change, but for the most part it’s work/SCA/sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. Day in, day out. All. The. Time.

I’m trying to motivate myself. I’m trying to tell myself,¬†Hey, if you get this tunic done you can knock out those pants and then it’s just some embroidery and a couple sleeves to go. I’m trying to tell myself, but I guess I’m not listening.

I hope this is just a brief funk and not a true depressive episode. I have too much on my plate to wallow in self-pity or whatever.

Speaking of that tunic, I guess I’ll get back to work.

It took getting hit like a ton of bricks to get me to slow down, but I finally took a weekend “off” from the hectic life I’ve been living.

Here’s what happened: I overdid things, as I am wont to do, and I ended up contracting one of those strains of flu not covered by this year’s vaccine. Yep, that’s what it takes to get me to grind to a halt when I’ve been going going going. No events for me, no war practice, no rapier practice, no nothing. Just staying home from work yesterday and staying home from war practice today and tomorrow. Home. No running. No doing…just being.

Okay, maybe a¬†little doing. I’ve been embroidering and sewing, but I’m keeping my activities limited to at-home things that don’t require going out. My body clearly needed the rest, so resting I am.

It feels a bit weird. I have nothing that I absolutely¬†have to be doing right now. As a matter of fact, I’m lying in bed, watching a movie in the dark. No responsibilities. So strange. And you know what? It’s the middle of the day. Almost 3:30 in the afternoon…and I’m not doing anything of worth.

The coming weeks won’t be like this. It’ll take another viral attack to get me to slow down again. There will be more practices, more projects, more more more. I should probably take advantage of this disadvantage and relax as much as possible.

I won’t get an opportunity like this for a while.

Time warp

Posted: January 11, 2018 in #design, #nerd, costuming, Crafting, Geek, Health, SCA, Sewing, Stress, Time

I’ve got plenty of time to get things done before Estrella War … right?

Maybe … maybe¬†not.

Back when I was in the Yule Feast Crunch (much like Con Crunch, only no convention), I “triaged” my sewing projects, listing the things I need/want to sew or make in the coming months. The goal there was to have a quick visual of what needs to be done so I can prioritize.

I have failed in prioritizing.

First, I was supposed to make another bento box for an SCA tournament prize. (That project is cut out but not assembled yet.) Then, I was going to make new garb for Estrella War so we’d have more outfit choices. I was also going to make my husband a new fighting tunic. The list goes on, but those are the ones that were most necessary before Estrella–which is next month. Five weeks, more or less. While I still¬†can get all those things done before, I realized today just how much of a crunch I’ve gotten myself into–again.

Work is hectic. SCA life is hectic. Oh yeah, and there’s the nasty cold I’ve contracted. Yay. I’ve also started embroidering my husband’s rapier mask hood for him … very time consuming, but I’m going to rationalize that by telling myself I can do hand embroidery just about anywhere, any time there’s decent lighting and a place to sit. The other stuff? Not so much, at least not at this stage of the process.

Time’s a funny thing. You think you have plenty of it, so you go about doing other things that may or may not be as crucial as the things with rapidly-approaching deadlines. Then it starts catching up to you; first you have two months (plenty of time!), then six weeks, then five-four-three-two-one-oh-shit-time’s-run-out-and-I’m-not-done! Yeah. It’s like that. I guess Einstein was right–it’s relative. Right now, I’m experiencing time at a slower pace, so I feel like there’s lots of time left. However, the closer to the event horizon (a.k.a. Estrella War) I get, the faster time moves. Tick-tock, man. Tick-tock.

I’m not gonna lie; I’ll probably be sewing right up until we leave. It’s just what I do, I guess. I’ve always been that way. School projects? Research papers? Yep, that’s been my¬†modus operandi. Time warps in on itself until it’s almost gone, and I’m caught scrambling.

One of these days I’m going to learn to use time to my advantage, and I’m going to finally be finished before the last second.

One of these days.

Time to get cracking.

It’s been a strange few weeks. Yule prep and Christmas, work and sewing and events and insomnia and Goddess knows what else I’m forgetting. I haven’t felt “bad,” per se, but I’ve been feeling…off.

Could it be my crazy schedule? Possibly…or possibly it’s the fact that I haven’t been the most compliant patient in the world lately. Yeah, I know, for the meds to work you have to keep taking them. I just haven’t felt like it. Stupid, lame excuse, I know, but there you have it. I just don’t feel like taking my pills half the time.

Granted, sometimes I get home late from an event or outing and am too tired to take my nighttime pills, but I have no real excuse for missing the morning doses (which are when the majority of my bipolar meds are taken). I just don’t feel like it. Did I say that already? Yeah, well, it bears repeating. My routine has been thrown off course, and I need to get it back.

The early mornings? Still there, but they’ve been chock full of cramming for Yule and Christmas deadlines. With those two things out of the way now I should soon have my quiet time to myself again. I¬†do have another deadline (revisions due to the publisher), but it’s not one that has me panicked like the others did. I have sewing that needs to be done, too, but it’s nothing too terribly pressing. Maybe a month, month and a half before the next project is needed.

Maybe once I get back to my routine my “off” feeling will go away. Or once I get back to routinely taking my pills. Either way, hopefully I’ll be back to my blogging, tweeting, sewing, writing self.

I guess I can get back to it. I can start behaving again. It’s not like things are going to be crazy forever. I just have to be good and take my meds like I’m supposed to.

I just don’t feel like it.