Okay. It’s time to face it. I can’t avoid it any longer.
I’ve got to start researching the query/submission process for traditional publishing.
That’s right, I’m going to take the plunge. Despite the extreme anxiety and panic attacks I get just thinking about the process, I believe enough in my WIP that I think it deserves a chance at a broader audience than I can reach with simple self-publishing.
I’m still a ways off from submitting to any agents or publishers; I have another round of revisions that I want to do before I even take it to an editor for the first round of edits. So there’s time to research the process, learn how to write a query letter, polish up a synopsis, etc. Still, it’s got to be done. I have to learn the game before I try to play. Or something like that.
Oddly enough, I don’t get the same anxiety thinking about possible rejection. Rejection is, in my opinion, part of submission. I’ve submitted to magazines before and been rejected, and it was like “Okay, well, better luck next time.” I don’t know if I’ll have the same reaction to having a novel rejected, but at least when it comes to the concept I don’t panic or worry.
My biggest worry (outside of the above-mentioned query process) is that traditional publication will push back my goal of having the book published by quite a bit. I can’t just hire someone to design a cover, format it in Word and Photoshop, and slap it up on Kindle Direct Publishing all in a day. I have to give up some control over when and how it’s released, and maybe that’s part of what scares me. I know that, if/when it’s picked up by a publisher, there’s going to be a call for changes. It’s what happens; they want some control over how the finished product turns out, of course, because their name will be on it. I’ll have to rewrite sections and potentially lose some of my favorite scenes.
But no, that’s not all of it. I still break out into that cold sweat thinking about even writing a query letter or synopsis. I’ve never written a query letter, and I am terrible at synopses. Always have been. Oh, I tried to write a synopsis for Whispers of Death. I really did. But then I started looking for agents and the anxiety set in. Query letters. Synopses. Sending them out in the mail or email to the agents. And then there’s the matter of the graphic scenes in the novel. Most agents I found (in my admittedly-limited Google searches) wouldn’t accept submissions with those kind of scenes. The current WIP is nowhere near what Whispers of Death was, but I still get the anxiety. What if I can’t find an agent who would accept my manuscript? What if I spend months or even years trying to find one and end up having to self publish anyway?
I’m going to do it, though. I have to fight my personal demons and take charge of my life. I have to believe in myself and my ability, and I have to accept that I am worthy of publication through a traditional publishing company. I am worthy of marketing and book signings and conventions. I am worthy of having enough readers that I actually have fans of the novel (and not just coworkers who have read it to support me). I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.
Maybe I’ll make that my mantra in the coming months as I continue to revise, edit, and polish.
I am worthy.
I am worthy.
I am worthy.
AJ Mullican, Author 