Yep, that’s me: the insecure narcissist. Oxymoronic, right? I hate myself. Hate the way I look. Can’t stand the way I look.
But I post selfies almost as much as a teenaged girl.
Why, do you ask? Well, it could be the narcissist in me. I love the attention when one of my selfies gets a ton of likes (okay, so maybe I don’t get likes as much as a teenaged girl), and I love how it makes me feel. Look at me. I am gorgeous. I said look at me!
Or…it could be that I sometimes need that self-esteem boost. Because there’s that nagging, overpowering voice inside that says I’m still the ugly little girl I was growing up. That little booming voice that tells me to just put down the camera and never take another selfie. I selfie to silence that voice.
Fuck you, voice. Fuck you nine ways to Sunday. I may not be a supermodel; I may not be glamorous or even a little pretty. But I’m me. I’ve grown to like myself a little more with each selfie. Each narcissistic display is my way of telling you off, of telling you that I’m enough the way I am. Sure, there are zits evident in the above photo. There’s no makeup, my eyebrow tattoos are beyond faded, and I look exhausted. But damnit, voice, I think it makes me look good.
So to all the girls (or boys–whatever) who think they’re not cute enough or handsome enough or just plain not enough, who have that same voice nagging them: selfie away. Take a photo of yourself and post it. Don’t like the first photo? Change the angle or the lighting and try again. And again and again and again until that face looking back at you is something that doesn’t make you cringe.
Selfie like you mean it, and silence the voice.