Posted: December 31, 2016 in Depression, Health, Mental Health, Thoughts

This. This is how fast depression can happen.

In the time it took you to read the title of this blog post, a person with mental illness can go from normal to depressed … often for no known reason.

It doesn’t have to be a breakup. It doesn’t have to be a demotion, a firing, a death, a disappointment, a loss … it just is.

Me? Right now I guess it’s not having anything to do. Scratch that; it’s not boredom specifically. It’s not wanting to do the things I can do right now. I can write. I can sketch on my laptop. I can watch whatever my mom’s got on the TV. There’s a lot I can do. But I’m kinda down because I can’t work on cosplay (no materials/fabric/sewing machine with me), I can’t eat the snacks I want (the “good stuff” is at home) … I can’t do what I want, and I don’t want what I can.

I also don’t have many friends online right now that I want to talk to. I’m grateful for the ones who are talking to me (okay, the one), but I keep looking for my alpha reader’s name to pop up, or one of my cosplay friends, or who knows. I don’t know, because I’m feeling depressed and I can’t pin it down.

A nap kinda helped, kinda didn’t. I mean, I feel a little bit physically refreshed, but not necessarily “better.” But that’s part of depression too sometimes: you are tired beyond tired, and there’s not enough sleep in the world.

Another thing I’m thinking about, which isn’t helping matters, is the new year. I have all these aspirations, but will anything really change? Probably not. Yeah, I might self publish that book. I might lose weight (who am I kidding? No I won’t). But nothing’s really going to change. I’ll still be the same person. I will still have the same job, working the same overtime hours, sleeping the same crazy schedule. It’s a new year, but it’s just another year.

Is there a point to this post? I guess not. I can’t find it, anyway. I just wanna lie down and nap again. And maybe stare into space a bit.



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