Frozen in Fear

Querying. For some authors, the bane of their writing careers.

Or maybe that’s just me.

I can’t stress how much I want my first novel to be published by a publishing house rather than on Kindle and/or Createspace. I want it out there. I want it on bookshelves. I want people to buy it and read it and review it and beg for more. Of course I want these things; I’m a narcissist at heart. I want all the credit.

This morning I tried Googling informational blogs and articles on the query process. First let me tell you, an 8 point font at three in the morning is not conducive to learning. I’m good to be seeing single at that time, let alone being able to read smaller print. The synopsis was fairly easy to understand, but when I can’t even read the articles it’s harder to pick up.

Another hindrance to beginning the query process is my sheer terror of querying. It’s irrational, but then again panic attacks are not always rational.

Researching agents is another thing that is holding me back. As with the query letters, I find the task daunting and intimidating. Do I possibly have more of a fear of rejection than I thought I did? I’m well aware that it comes with the territory of writing; you write, you submit, and you wait for the dreaded rejection letter or email. I thought I was past the point of caring about that. I mean, it happens. There’s no avoiding it, so why worry? But, as my psychiatrist pointed out, if I’m not worried about rejection then why am I so apprehensive about sending my work out?

I guess I have to push past this, just like I pushed past my fear of making a corset. It must get done, so it will.



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